I Got the Academic Job. So Why Didn’t It Feel Like a Win?

For years, I believed that landing a permanent academic position would bring a deep sense of accomplishment. I imagined that when it finally happened, I would feel proud, relieved, maybe even joyful. But when the offer came through, it felt surprisingly flat. There was no rush of excitement. No moment where I sat back and thought, “I’ve made it.”

Instead, I was left wondering why something I had worked so hard for felt so underwhelming.

Life outside academia had quietly stalled

In chasing this dream, I moved countries, leaving behind family and the familiar rhythms of home. I missed birthdays, weddings, and the everyday moments that ground you. While I was focused on building a career, my personal life had taken a back seat. Friendships faded into occasional check-ins, and I realized I had put many parts of my life on hold without even noticing it.

Even though I had achieved what many see as the academic ideal: a permanent job, a clear title, a steady income, yet I found myself feeling isolated. I was no longer a student, but I had not yet built a life in this new place. The job was secure, but the sense of belonging still felt far away.

Academia did not transform after the contract

I assumed that the struggles of academic life like uncertainty, pressure to perform, and constant competition would ease once I secured a permanent role. But they did not. The expectations remained high, and in some ways, they intensified. Now that I was no longer on a fixed-term contract, I was expected to do more: lead projects, secure funding, supervise students, publish consistently.

The structural pressures of academia did not go away. They just changed shape.

I did not recognize myself anymore

Perhaps the most unsettling part was the quiet dissonance I began to feel between “me” and “academic me.” Somewhere along the way, I had become so immersed in deadlines, metrics, and output that I stopped hearing my own voice. The version of me that existed outside of academia, curious, grounded, and connected, had faded.

Reclaiming that part of myself felt like starting from scratch. I had to learn how to rest again without guilt, to protect my weekends, to say no. I needed to rebuild a life outside of academic expectations, one that included friendships, hobbies, faith, family, and moments of stillness. That, too, became part of the work: not just becoming an academic, but becoming whole again.

But some things did get better

Despite everything, there are things I genuinely value about where I am now. Financially, I am in a much better position than I was during my PhD or early postdoc years. I no longer worry about making ends meet or counting down the months left on a short-term contract. That sense of stability has opened up space to think about my future in a more grounded way.

I also value the opportunity to supervise students, mentor early-career researchers, and contribute to shaping the direction of academic work. Being on this side of the table gives me the chance to support others in ways I wish I had been supported. That brings a quiet but meaningful sense of fulfillment.

Rethinking what success actually looks like

Looking back, I realize that I had pinned too much on one moment. The job offer, the title, the contract. I expected it to complete the story. But the reality is that arriving in academia does not always feel like a victory lap. It often comes with its own set of challenges and hidden costs.

What I have learned is that success is not about finally reaching a destination. It is about the kind of life you are building along the way. It is about maintaining your values, preserving your relationships, and finding joy beyond your CV.

I still believe in academia. I just no longer believe that it alone is enough.

A few questions for you

• In what ways have you shaped your life around academic or professional expectations?

• What did you used to enjoy before the pressure to constantly achieve took over?

• Have you ever felt like your worth was tied only to productivity?

• What would a more grounded, connected version of your life look like today?

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